There is a most bizarre word the media and the psychologists have begun to use to describe loneliness in our societies: they say it has become an epidemic. An epidemic! A description normally reserved for extremely prevalent and widespread diseases – that is what this state of mind has become.
And the statistics back it up. A third of the citizens of many civilized countries admit to suffering from extreme loneliness. And the impact on our physical health - one study reported that isolated men were 25% more likely to die than those in a relationship, and the women 33% more likely.
Why is loneliness so painful? There are many reasons – but there is one in particular I’m starting to notice. Loneliness is a curse because we don’t know who we are - and that is our basic anxiety. When you are alone, all your self knowledge, your identity, your personality - your ego begins to unravel. The deeper into your aloneness you go, the more you see all your self-knowledge as they are – false.
And it is scary – what you have known your entire life - false! It is so scary that much of our culture is based around this fear. Social clubs, associations, political parties, and even cafés – they all exist for one thing: so one can avoid being alone. And what if we are by ourselves? Then we turn to music, alcohol, the television, the Internet – all to avoid being in our own company.
But the strange thing is – losing our false identity, it is a blessing. It can be scary, yes, but when we turn around and face it - when we turn our loneliness into aloneness –that is when we begin to experience what is real.
When you are alone, everything that you have disowned, everything that you refuse to accept or acknowledge – they begin to arise. We begin to truly know ourselves, to see the genuine. And that is not something that can be told - it has to be experienced.
And the statistics back it up. A third of the citizens of many civilized countries admit to suffering from extreme loneliness. And the impact on our physical health - one study reported that isolated men were 25% more likely to die than those in a relationship, and the women 33% more likely.
Why is loneliness so painful? There are many reasons – but there is one in particular I’m starting to notice. Loneliness is a curse because we don’t know who we are - and that is our basic anxiety. When you are alone, all your self knowledge, your identity, your personality - your ego begins to unravel. The deeper into your aloneness you go, the more you see all your self-knowledge as they are – false.
And it is scary – what you have known your entire life - false! It is so scary that much of our culture is based around this fear. Social clubs, associations, political parties, and even cafés – they all exist for one thing: so one can avoid being alone. And what if we are by ourselves? Then we turn to music, alcohol, the television, the Internet – all to avoid being in our own company.
But the strange thing is – losing our false identity, it is a blessing. It can be scary, yes, but when we turn around and face it - when we turn our loneliness into aloneness –that is when we begin to experience what is real.
When you are alone, everything that you have disowned, everything that you refuse to accept or acknowledge – they begin to arise. We begin to truly know ourselves, to see the genuine. And that is not something that can be told - it has to be experienced.
